so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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