Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
