I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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