How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
