Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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