Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
