you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
