who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize