my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
