But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
