you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize