I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
