There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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