between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
