Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
