I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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