you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
