saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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