dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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