Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
being pregnant is like rehab
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
