Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
