Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
