Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
