yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
