Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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