I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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