suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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