ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
