Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
