feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
