im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
