You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
