Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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