Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize