man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
