WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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