you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
