yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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