he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
