My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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