oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
