You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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