maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just pee around me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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