Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
