Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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