Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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