i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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