I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
