Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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