Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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