Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
zippers are such a cool invention
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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