You're my little dorito
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need moral support for this bender
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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