real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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