I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
