so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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