You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
