he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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