and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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