Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
