I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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