I'm going to jail i love you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
