he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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