You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
