I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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