Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
