I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
