I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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