I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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