Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
