We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize