Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I deserve this hangover.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
