____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
