Don't make out with my wife yet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
