Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she looked like the before picture.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
