Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize