I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
