Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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